This week i want to talk about gambling, and my interest in it, and how that can sometimes be linked with sexual energy.
I have been the sort of person who has tried to win money so that i could buy things. My main vision for years was to have a isolated cottage in the english country-side, where i could play my music at any time, and have open log fires. As you can imagine, this place would cost a lot of money, so i decided to gamble a few ‘£ pounds’ (UK money) every week, this would be on a accumulator football bet. I would place say £3 on 20 teams to win, some of them to draw, and if they all won, i would have the money for the cottage!
And yes, i have been doing this for years and years, and having similar bets (picking less teams), to try and just get the deposit on a cottage. And all the bets that i have had to win the cottage have not won, but my mind thinks that at some point in the future it will happen.
Sometimes i would give up on the idea of winning big, and would try and win small, even to the ridiculous extent of placing say £1 to try and get back £1-02 or something similar of £1-05 etc, very small wins, but even with these i would sometimes lose!
I made a blog film a while ago now on youtube, talking about my history of going to football matches as a teenager, and supporting my local club, and i had a phase of following the team all over england when they played, which went onto till i was around 25, when i realized i was treating football like some sort of replacement religion, and i stopped going to football, i am so grateful now for this realization, as a lot of people stay in the worship of their football club for life.
But i still kept looking out for results in newspapers, and still carried on the gambling. But recently on Tuesday 2nd Feb, i had a bet that made me think about gambling more deeply…I was in the betting shop, thinking about what football teams i should choose on the coupon, when i noticed that the woman who was working in the shop as a cashier was quite attractive, i went over and asked her about certain handicap odds on the football teams that was not on the coupons, and as she went to the computer to look at the odds, i started to get drawn into her sexual energy, like sort of hypnotised, which actually led me to having a bet that i would not have usually done, then i looked around the shop, and all the other people in the shop were men? I started to see that there was some sort of connection between gambling and the male orgasm, as i could see and hear guys getting stoked about a horse race, and then shouting with clenched fists when the horse won, it was very strange indeed. When that bet i had with the attractive woman lost, i was mad at myself for being drawn into the sexual energy and to be influenced by it like that, and i thought “i dont want to go into these shops again” it really did have a negative effect upon me where my mood was low for the whole of that day.
Since that day now 13 days ago, i have not had a bet, and thats 2 Saturdays when there has been a full fixture list of football matches, and i did some music practice at home during the 90mins when all the games are played, and i felt much more calmer than i usually do. I did a bit of research into what the Krishna monks think of gambling, and what i got from that research was that gambling can make a person greedy, and thats what i was doing, projecting some sort of future wish into the present moment, and becoming stressed and agitated about it, and my mind holing onto the idea of ‘i will win one day, my turn will come’ So instead of focusing in trying to get the cottage in some honest way, i tried to get it in a devious way, so, this is not a choice based upon being mentally well, and now i have realised that gambling effects self-esteem, and mental clarity.
I am grateful however, that i did not get sucked into gambling large amounts of money, because some people get addicted like its a drug, even a way of life, greed is a terrible affliction, and it is even more common now with more betting shops in our high streets, plus all the online betting from smartphones (which i don’t have), or gambling online (which i have never done) when a person can fuel the addiction at anytime.
Im now wondering if i can raise the money for the cottage by working hard with music? If the cottage did happen because of my music, then im sure i would be more grateful of it, than simply by gambling.
Im so pleased to bring this issue up, and hopefully now i can work through this.
Gambling can be veiwed as a bit of fun, but maybe that is an illusion?
I talk more about this on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HGzrRhBcT0&feature=youtu.be